Esta noche (This Night)

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Esta noche – this night – I have been calm and contemplative. This type of calm does not often pervade and it has led me to the conclusion that I finally feel at home. I have been working on some work for tomorrow with a new black Bic pen on a wodge of recycled grey-ish paper, that has been hole-punched with my new hole punch. This is contentment. (I bought these things in the evening, when I was searching for Kesson’s Another Time, Another Place, which I need to have read for tomorrow but have not even got). Back to the writing. Things went well, I was enjoying writing and thinking. Today in my Morfologia i Lexicologia class I was tired but very much enjoyed it all because of the topic of Word-Formation. We looked at whether ‘Spiderman’ is an example of compounding, or whether it is an example of derivation (suffixation), to great glee on my part because it is so intriguing. I talked about Spiderpig in my answer.

I find religion here an interesting matter. I thought it was a Catholic country, but my Spanish flatmates say that perhaps it is a predominance but this is not official. The Pope’s visit at the weekend was heralded in (in my eyes, which were sick on the Sunday) by protesters protesting the cost of having the Pope to stay, when there had recently been pay cuts for civil servants ie. nurses. (Tania, one of my flatmates, Zeta’s owner/mother, is a nurse). My Italian friend Claudia went to see the Pope on Sunday morning but he came very early and I had no idea of where to go so that I did not get stuck in swathes of people, and was sick. I made my way to mass on Sunday night at the cathedral to find I could not find my way in. Barricaded and manned by ‘police’ cars and men. Listlessly, I wandered the streets in an intrepid attempt to find a mass, but ended up at home without having been to mass. I felt weak, and sick, and decided to rest. I fell asleep on the sofa, curled around the dog with a book after eating.

Religion is a complex matter. What do you say when they say being a Catholic is wrong? It’s a complicated matter, you’ll encounter it wherever you go, you have to stay calm. I see it in my books and with people who are not religious. I am reading Any Human Heart at the moment, for MA Advanced British Literature, and the protagonist in it is “devoutly atheist”. Interesting, and confusing for me. Too many thoughts.

The night sky is good when you can see it. I can see stars in my new flat when I stand on the balcony from the living room. I was stood on the balcony this night (as if it is a difficult and rare activity, which it is not: I often run to peek at the street when I hear skateboarders’ wheels, or when I have nothing to do) looking at the street, and the sky, smelling the fresh air. Cold and fresh today. The sunsets can be beautiful too, but often now I am in class when they happen. Often I am not and can catch them on my way home – uni is in a foresty area, it is great. Every day I walk over a pine-needly, rooty patch of ground which is like a forest. To the right of the normal footpath as it turns a corner it is not really out of the way but it does momentarily take you away to a different place.

In talking to my sister about university I feel I have learnt things I wish I had known before. When looking for a university, what do you look for? You have to understand yourself to be able to feel content in your search. Ask some questions to yourself – I did not know what they were before. What places do you like the sound of? That’s important. What’s good for your subject, say, Fine Art? What do you want to see? Who do you want to be?

The coffee is different here, but it’s the same in any place in the United Kingdom, it varies wherever you go. The music is different. There’s not so much dubstep and more minimal. I have always liked Reggae and there’s quite a lot of that about. I got absolutely accidentally and tragically trashed on my housewarming party, on Saturday night, and don’t remember the night between just before leaving my flat and some time later. The party had been a success. I wish I could remember more of the night. I re-emerged into consciousness in the middle of the night to find myself in a very good reggae club, in a warehouse in La Pau (about ten metro stops from the centre, an obscure but startlingly memorable, for no reason, location) with some of my friends. There was a real life night time bbq outside the doors, which I discovered at the end, and bought chicken wings covered in sticky sauce for some change of about 3 euros. The music was very good but I had lost my scarf. Met with no sympathy, I was alone in my heart. I got home at 7am, so sad, but the recovery process has built an intricate story network in the recesses of my mind that I can harvest/harness later.

My real sunlight predicament is great. I love it here! Very good decision to move, very fortunate find, this place, nothing else would have been the same. I had a nap this evening (very tired) and actually felt like I was at home for the first time.

Everyone I talk to seems to want to visit me at the end of February. It would be great if my sister could come. If this is the best time for her with regards to her education (v.important) and she has found cheap flights, I hope she books them and arranges.

I find it difficult to put myself in my UK home environment, where my family is, which often makes talking difficult. It is because I am learning a lot here and my mind is changing. I feel alive again here, so the mapping of my system is changing slightly every day. Often feeling astray from my family because of this release from the pains of my past self, I very much appreciated my sister’s recent intelligent message to me. It not only shows she appreciates me as a person (with intelligent questions like what is the coffee and music like in Barcelona, which I included here) but she did not overdo the internet relationship (internet message) with intoxicating accents, and she understood the humanity of the process. Often there is no humanity in the internet process, where real people get lost but real people are represented by things that hurt in tiny, timid, insipid ways. I put this into my blog because it was so good, and enlightening. It’s what I’ve been looking for for a while. People recognising you are growing in life, not extravagantly noticing, just not keeping you where you once where and aren’t anymore. Like a jigsaw puzzle piece swollen with water that dries into a different shape. Though this simile fails because there is no new jigsaw for this changed jigsaw piece to fit into -nevermind.

I am calm and very tired and will take to bed, I hope this finds you well – early start tomorrow Gah

Goodnight, thank you and take care

Zosia

(Written at night, re-posted in the correct place in the day)

 

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